I finished writing a very short story titled “This Charming Man,” which is inspired by The Smiths lyrics: “If you are so very entertaining, then why are you on your own tonight? If you are so very good looking, why do you sleep alone tonight?” Nothing original. I just wanted to capture how loneliness feels like. The next few weeks I’m on full edit-mode. How I hate editing. -___-
Last night I had a conversation with Someone. By “a conversation” I mean; I sat in silence while Someone drenched me in his realms version of my flawed reflection. We concluded that I’m far from normal. I do tend to drown out the positive with the negative when I’m disappointed, but this translates simply: “I don’t know how to let myself be loved.”
So, my summer will be spent trying to balance my emotions, hopefully when I come across a resolution Someone will still be waiting there.
Lately I’ve also been losing close friends, each who repeat the same thing: “I’m not looking at the problems from their perspective.” I never did mind battling to save friendships, but I’ve grown tired of lacing up somebody else’s shoes around my feet, and trying to apologize.
Alike Amy Winehouse sings, I am going to become my own best friend until I find a way to fix myself. If it weren’t for my books, and my fasciation to keep learning about what lurks in outer space, I don’t know if I’d remain sane.
It’s not that I’m lonely, I’m used to being alone. I just want be treated like a human.